Natural born plant killers

No one waters them.
Tiny cells plead, but TV
seems more important.

You take after your mother

My weirdness is as
apparent in my kids as
streaks in a fake tan.

If gum were chocolate

Like cows with their cud
we would chew constantly, and
then we’d all swallow.

If chocolate were gum

One piece would last for
hours and have few calories.
(I’m working on it.)